this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
