Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
