I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
