youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
