so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
