I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
