I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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