Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize