Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She bit a glass in half.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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