why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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