There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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