I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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