apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
