Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My vagina is very pro this idea
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