DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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