Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In other news, I just burned my penis
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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