Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
