i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
