Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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