She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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