So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
