We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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