There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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