There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sober January is a disaster.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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