how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
