I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
