fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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