He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
