the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
