My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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