Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
