This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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