its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
