her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
