I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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