I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
