I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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