Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
