I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
