worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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