sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
