everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
