drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
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my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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