That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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