I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
