just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
