The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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