I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
