this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We need a shit load of segways right now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
