Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
