How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
