quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
