Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
