Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
