I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
