last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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