Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
