So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
