Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
