I am in a vortex of obligation.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
