I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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