I wish I could punch you in the face.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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