I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
