you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
