my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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