You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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