He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
