ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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