ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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