those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
