this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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